Never look back

I'm faced with a series of thoughts recently that has me reminding myself of one of my philosophies in life. Ever since my sophmore year I've taught myself to push the phrase "what if" out of my head. What if this had never happened? What if I had done this instead? "What if" can drive people crazy, espeically if you think about how many decisions in life you have made. I have always felt that everything happens for a reason, so wondering what if is counterproductive to my whole belief.

Lately, being my senior year and all, I find myself questioning what if a lot. To be completly honest, it all has to do with my running. I find myself wondering what if I didn't train enough this summer. I find myself wondering what if I trained TOO much this summer. I find myself wondering what if things do not go the way I am hoping they will.

Then I had a conversation with someone close to me last night and I began to listen to the way I was explaining things. While talking to this person I realized I don't wonder what if for any of these situations. Deep down I actually know the answer to all the what if questions. Deep down I'm 100% confident in my path thus far. So why on the surface am i questioning myself?

We all wonder about the what if's in our own lives. What if I hadn't broken up with her? What if I hadn't failed that class? What if I hadn't gotten that job? It is virtually inevitable not to think about the what if's, but we cannot let them inpact our future desicisons. We need to learn from the past. It is the only way we can successfully move forward, but we also have to realize we can't continue to look back. We need to learn from the past and move on. When we think of the what if's, it is like we are preventing ourselves from succeeding. We can never win if we constantly wonder if we've made the right choice.

I made a promise to myself so stop wondering and stop looking back. This is the only way I can reach my full potential. I need all pistons firing in the forward direction. We all do. If we constantly wonder or worry about the past, we can never treasure and enjoy the future.

Never look back, only hope for the future.

Simply the best

The wrote this post three times today. Each time I deleted it once it was done because I didn't feel I had written a good enough post. However, similar to most days, running has left me with a clear idea on the topic I wanted to discuss. I am going back to Marist tomorrow for my last preseason. This moment is a little bitter sweet because I know once things start, they will not slow down. My senior year will be amazing because I will make sure it is, but I will always have in the back of my mind the looming future. However, that future is a little less scary thanks to some very inspirational people.

I call Marist my second home. It's easy to say that because I love it and I spend a majority of my time there. However, it will always remain my second home because my first home is right here. You see, I've always been a believer in the fact that one day I might need to be willing to give up what I love for the person that I love. I've always felt that love is stronger then anything else and that once you find it, you need to hold onto it. Even if that means changing some of your life plans to be with that person. There have been two people in my life who have lived this philosophy to the end; my mother and my father.

I think I realized today, as my mom began crying while we ate lunch together, the sacrifices my parents have made only to watch me grow up and eventually leave. They have been there through my ups and downs, never once leaving my side. The same can be said for my brother, who has put up with me for 21 years. These three people will never bail on me when times get tough.

Two other people who have done the same are my two best friends from home. We have managed to go to three seperate colleges, live three different schedules, yet still find time to work on our friendship. They have been by my side for as long as I can remember.

The reason I'm bringing these people up is because reflecting back on my 3 years of college, they have been the staples in my life. I've learned this summer that some people are going to come into your life and leave your life, even if you thought they might stick around. However, we cannot dwell on these people because when we do, we lose sight of the important people in our lives. The ones who really matter.

There have been many people in my life who have made impacts as well, but I think these five people deserve a proper thanks. They are simply the best and I know my life after college will be manageable because they will always be by my side.

Chasing Your Dreams

I recently told a friend of mine that I wasn't sure what my next blog post would be about. Little did I know I would get my inspiration from Darren Sharper's hall of fame speech. Sharper stood in front of an audience and began talking about accomplishing his goals. Although I cannot quote him exactly, he told the audience that there is a reason people say they are chasing after their goals. No one says I'm walking after, or crawling after their goals.

You chase after your goals.

It might sound obvious to many people, but for me it spoke volumes. I've always been someone with lofty, but realistic goals. In my running career this has probably helped me and hurt me. I've set the bar high and accomplished what I wanted, only making me realize how hard work pays off. However, I've also set the bar too high and many a times come up short, only feeling let down and unaccomplished. Yet this summer, being a summer where a major goal of mine is within reach, I have found the phrase chasing after my goal to be very literal. All summer I have been chasing after my goal. In fact, I've been chasing after this goal for as long as I can remeber. Yes, I did lose my way a few times along the path to it, but in the end I am here and it is within reach. When I made this goal, it was too high. Yet today, it no longer is. Have I accomplished it yet? No and I may not, but I've tried. I put in the work and I'm anxious to see where I will end up.

That's life. We may never accomplish all we set out to in life. However, if we never try, and we never fail, we can never succeed. If we never set the bar too high, we may never know just how much we actually can accomplish. Yes, we will be let down. Yes, we will feel unaccomplished, but one day we just might actually get there. Even if we never do, we still will land amonst the top.

You can't walk after your dreams. You need to chase them